OPENHEARTEDLY ~ G(l)owing in the dark!

G(l)owing in the dark!

“With no other light or guide than the One that burned in my Heart.” – St. John of the Cross

“I don’t know why I’m here, but I’m Here.” With these words I enter the darkness. Questioning myself: what it always is in case of these happenings? Somehow I feel drawn to go for something and once in the experience, there’s always this point of questioning: “Why was it again that I Am doing this?”

I cannot think of what is felt.            It’s this something beyond that brings us in these experiences, and always gives us exactly what needs to be right now. Why? That cannot be answers rationally. It simply happens because it is happening… And the feeling of ‘rightness’ which comes with what is happening, tells a lot about if we are on the right track (or not)…

So far there has never been a moment in retreat or meditation that felt like ‘not right’ for me though. Somehow it always gives a touch of rightness, more clarity and rest in One Self… 

And That exact experience is what is naturally calling me back. And explaines kind of the why of what I’m doing 🙂

Going in the dark                         Entering the dark retreat space for the first time during an introductory tour at The Hermitage, just filled me with calmness, stillness… I immeditately knew I was about to enter here very soon. I just felt so drawn to Be there.

The days before, just wrapped me in this longing to go ‘IN’ and it became stronger day by day. It even made me decide to go in a day earlier than planned – just because I could, and I couldn’t imagine myself to wish for anything other than that.

So Here I Am. Covered in darkness and funny enough, as I Am sitting here…really…there’s not much of a difference. Except from taking away the sense of sight, I still feel every aspect of my whole presence. All is functioning exactly as it did before. All is still there, I Am Here. And the Mind defenitely too.

Yes or No                                           The Mind. That’s the only thing which is coping with the idea that there’s a difference now. So it comes up with anything it can imagine to confirm it’s own existene. 

One moment it thinks like this and the next moment it thinks about the same topic completely different. It never seems good as it is: when I’m in the bed, it want’s to be sitting and meditate. When I’m sitting down to meditate it wants to be doing no-thing. The most rare thing now is – absolutely no-thing needs to be done. Except from Being here I allowed anything to be just as it is. All can be, no must at all for what so ever. Even if that would mean I would sleep for the whole four days that I’m here. And that’s freedom (right?). Though that’s not what It felt like. 

Thoughts about ‘What Am I doing Here’, and ‘why would One be in this space, when there’s so much to live for out there?’ just starting to fill up the space, causing a tremendous energy force in me, which really wants to make me getting out of here. The funny thing is the realization, that while Being outside, the only thing I really wanted was Being inside.

Not This, not That.                       That’s the Mind’s play. It just wants always exactly what it cannot. And It doesn’t matter one bit. Catching my Self in the middle of this Mind dramatic moment’s, just breaks the ice. A smile appears in the realization that it is all just a game. Like it is with every thing: there’s always a choise – Yes or No. But does it really matter what we choose? There’s a Buddhist expression which answers to this: Neti Neti – Not This, not That. Yes or no. Left or right. This or That. It’s about non of the rational answers we could come up with. 

Being just fully present in the midst of all these choises at any given moment, that brings in the Light! That is what makes us glow…no matter how dark the darkest night will be. We will find our way! 

With a Cuddle & a Kiss,

Esmeralda
#esmeraldaopenheartedly #dehartschool

Interested in experiencing a dark retreat your Self? Check out this amazing practioners retreat center in Guatemala: The Hermitage.        Or Hridaya-Yoga Mexico:       Hridaya Yoga

OPENHEARTEDLY ~ May I

May I 

May I feel the way I feel                       Be the way I Am                                  Act the way I wanna act                   Just because…?

Can I depent completely on my Self In whatever I do                           Wherever I go                           Following no-thing                             Just this inner guidance of the Heart?

Am I able to Trust on whatever is happening right Now                         And let Life take me Liberate me in it’s continuous invitation                         And just let go?

May I?

#esmeraldaopenheartedly #Theheartschool
  

OPENHEARTEDLY ~ Now we’re talking!

“Deep understanding brings profound healing.”

Recently I got very frustrated by a situation my partner brought up. And along our conversation I could really feel how a force in me was building up. Somehow I felt really annoyed that by bringing up this situation, I lost that great state of harmony where I was in before. That this whole thing brought a disharmony to the surface within myself, which I now had to face, coz’ it was there. And a part in me was absolutely not amused by that.

This feeling became so present that I even start feeling I didn’t want to speak with my partner anymore. It was not that I was accusing Him, but I was accusing myself of having this feelings which were confronting me with the fact that  I Am as far as open as I thought I would be.

Though, as I was so aware of what was happening within me, I could literally observe it, naturally it withdraw my attention inwards and made me want to sit with it. I start questioning what this feeling is about. Starting to feel into it. Beyond all these thoughts (thoughts which were translating it into frustration, even anger…which I couldn’t relate to even in this situation) there seem to be something deeper. And by contemplating the feeling, rewiring it back to the core, there was an intense fear.

And now we’re talking!                     The fear was coming to the surface through this situation, creating an opportunity for awareness & acknowledgment. But before I could, I needed to recognise what this whole situation was about. To start deeply listening to what my feelings actually were saying to me. Seeing that this whole situation was created to get to Know One Self and to deeply understand One’s feelings and all the forgotten parts…  It had nothing to do with my partner (He didn’t do anything wrong), it had nothing to do with me (I could’t help that I felt this or that I couldn’t be the supportive and enthusiastic partner I would Loved to be for Him right now). The deep understanding of the situation in itself naturally brought profound healing, as I understood what this situation means for my partner and for my Self in the bigger picture. And that I don’t have to fear anything in the Loving conditions where we live in today. That brought a big release of old pain and fear in my system. With this the forceful energy was no longer there. Opening for Love to flow 💛

Thank you Life for the great teachings you share with Us 🙏🏼

With a big Cuddle & a Kisss,
Esmeralda

Pssst
Somehow this made me think of a super beautiful talk between Thich Nhat Hanh & Oprah Winfrey about Deep Listening I’d like to share with you…😘